Google The Poolboy

Least Frequently Asked Questions

It is the nature of a FAQ that the questions in the FAQ are actually the least frequently asked. This is because if you read the question on a frequently asked question page then you know the answer so you are unlikely to ever ask the question.

Who is Perfidious Albert?

In nineteen seventy something, a crack software developer was born in a maternity hospital to a mother that deserved better. This man promptly questioned everything by constantly asking “why?”, and even more annoyingly “why not?”. Today, not wanted by any employers, he survives as a freelance software consultant. If you have a problem, if no one else can help and if you can find him. Maybe you can hire, Perfidious Albert.

Why should I use Perfidious Albert?

If you want an easy life, you shouldn’t. Perfidious Albert is disagreeable, stuck in his ways, and hard to work with. He hates shortcuts, his moral values tend to favour the little guy, and he doesn’t compromise easily. He is a big believer in breaking eggs to make omelettes, but he hates cliches so never says so. If you got this far then may we suggest you back away. He’s not worth it. Work with these guys instead. I have no idea who they are – we just Googled “Shopify Ireland” and they came up first. They can’t be harder to work with than Perfidious Albert, that’s all we know.

On the other had he does have 25 years of experience and built his first website just 6 years after Tim Berners-Lee invented the world wide web. He has worked for Microsoft, General Electric, and even An Garda Síochána. He has just finished building a world class e-commerce ticketing system for Rathlin Ferry and Department for Infrastructure in Northern Ireland. He did that on his own. So maybe he is worth the pain. Maybe.

Will I be on top of Google?

Only if Google is a pet name for your pool boy. SEO is a skilled job that takes time and dedication. Perfidious Albert is dedicated, but not to SEO. What I can do is point you towards the best SEO expert in Ireland.

Do you outsource?

No. Software developers in countries where most outsourcing happens get paid about €1 per hour and they need to get the work done fast in order to feed their family and keep them alive. As a result of this they equate software development with building a wall - forget the foundations, just get it built, plaster over it, and get paid. I don't blame them and people who outsource to these markets deserve the crap they get back. We might occasionally outsource to developers that are based in Ireland and that we know and trust - you will always know when this happens and why.

How long does it take to get my website live?

Perfidious Albert is middle aged. He drinks too much and eats red meat. It is in your interest to work as quickly as he does. Simple e-commerce websites can and should be live in under a week, but the consultation and business building will take longer. Larger business applications could take 6 months. If your project is bigger than that I will probably direct you elsewhere.

How much will it cost me?

I am a business man. Unless I really believe I can make or save you money I won't work with you. Whatever you pay you will get back in spades. You need to speak to us.

Thinking Outside The Box

I disinterestedly advised a colleague once to "think outside the box" after he shared a problem with me. His reply was "ah go and shite". I queried this slightly disrespectful tone with him and he had the following defence to offer.

"The answer is always inside the box."

In the years since I have come to realise that the man was and still is a genius. He was also correct. The answer is never outside the box. Inside the box is education, experience, and intuition. Outside the box is uncharted territory, half baked ideas, and inexperienced fools that know no better.

Or, there is another theory that there is no box. Either way thinking outside the box is a meaningless concept that Perfidious Albert dislikes intensely. So if you want inside the box thinking that is proven, fast, economical, and efficient - then contact us below.